I'm supposed to be pregnant, but I'm not

To all the women who have ever obsessed over an ovulation test, cried when their period arrives, battled one or more of the many conditions that causes infertility, struggled through unexplained infertility or lived through years of difficulties getting pregnant: You are loved. You are enough. 

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Pregnant 3 months before my wedding day

When I purchased a pregnancy test, my first ever, it was on Cinco de Mayo. My period was about one week late, and I spent everyday of that week convincing myself I was being paranoid and wasn’t really pregnant.

So by the time I was ready to snatch the Band-Aid off and buy a pregnancy test, taking it was nothing more than a way to clear my mind of what was the faintest of possibilities. It was the responsible thing to do before I ­went out drinking.

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Jerusha: 'She wasn’t breathing, and I was oblivious'

Seven months before I became a mother, I was hosting a surprise party for my oldest sister, and something just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t the party. That was, of course, a hit. I pride myself on going overboard for all events I’m responsible for. I had been feeling a little off for a few days and just kept telling myself that it was because my period was coming.

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