I'm so in love, it's exhausting
By Lauren Floyd, Honeycomb Moms
When I get excited about a project, I’m unstoppable.
I can focus on that task for hours, designing, writing, editing, shaping and reshaping.
But sometimes I need to be stopped.
Creating this blog has been so exciting that it’s pushed me to uncover skills I didn’t know I have. The writing and editing alone suck me in for hours, and I don’t even notice I haven’t come up for air.
When my crafty husband, Donzell Floyd, slid out of the overnight shift with our son – some jazz about needing to work and pay our little bills and what not – it didn’t even bother me.
I’m usually so wired I have a hard time sleeping through the night anyway.
When my 6-month-old son, Donovan, feels the urge to scarf down milk at 3 a.m., I end up staying up, writing and editing until he goes down for his mid-morning nap.
Those late nights are liberating.
I feel and hear so much, and it drives my work.
I can hear the nasal sound of Donovan’s light snore, the clicking of my laptop keys and the otherwise uninterrupted silence. Then out of nowhere, Donovan’s breathing becomes staccato and soon gives way to a cry.
“It’s OK honey,” I tell him. “Mommy’s here.”
I rub his head and give him what he needs, whether it’s his pacifier, a bottle or just to hear my voice.
I couldn’t feel more connected to him in those moments, and that lights the flame even more for my work, which is largely about my time with him.
Even when I’m scheduling social media posts, filing for an LLC or collecting file photos from Unsplash, I’m working from a place of love for my family and passion for the work I’m creating.
I cherish that because I’ve spent so many years uninspired.
Then with a leap of faith and another and still another, I was pushed into a passion that keeps me up in the middle of the night.
It’s nothing short of a gift from God, but it has come with costs.
My husband and I sometimes get sucked into our own separate worlds.
We’ve had precisely one date since our baby was born. Although that’s partly due to living in a city where neither of us has immediate family, we also just haven’t prioritized activities that don’t involve our son because we love being with him.
He’s given us new lenses through which to see the world.
My husband and I are two people in love and in love with what we do. Those truths do have the potential to undercut one another, and I think we both see the danger in that.
What’s keeping us afloat is the fact that even with very little alone time, we talk everyday. We argue as much as we need to, and we try not to keep things bottled up.
We’re making it, but it’s going to take more practice to get to thriving.
Donovan, however, is thriving.
He wakes up smiling, cooing and full of energy.
Then, so begins tummy time, a story, breakfast and a few laps around the living room in his walker. Two to three days a week he even obliges me for story-time at the library, a playgroup at the park and baby swim class.
He goes with the flow no matter how many activities I throw at him.
But I feel the impact right to the gut.
I try to pace myself and set limits, but the reality is I’m horrible at it and often end up exhausted. My workflow is go, go, go. My home flow is do, do, do, and I don’t want to stop any of it.
I have all these new loves, and they don’t feel like they’re supposed to have limits.